Stop blaming yourself for other peoples shitty doings to you.
They fucked up. Not you.
My friend and her bf just broke up and she called me crying and I was all like “You’re going to fall in love so many times before you find the one you’ll be with forever. So think of it this way; you’re one heartbreak closer to happily ever after.” and I think she thought I was being deep and insightful, but really I was quoting wizards of waverly place
If you gotta force it, just leave it alone. Relationships, friendships, ponytails.. Just leave it.